Best Albums - 2008

This was beyond difficult, there was so much to choose from! This year provided more music than I had time to listen to. Please feel free to leave your own lists, or comments about mine! Discussions welcome. Looking forward to 2009!


1. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago
2. Conor Oberst - S/T
3. Sigur Rós - Med Sud I Eyrum Vid Spilum Endalaust
4. Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs
5. Lydia - Illuminate
6. City and Colour – Bring Me Your Love
7. Copeland - You Are My Sunshine
8. She & Him – Volume One
9. Right Away, Great Captain! – The Eventually Home
10. Tallest Man On Earth - Shallow Graves

11. Neva Dinova – You May Already Be Dreaming
12. Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s – Not Animal
13. Elliott Brood – Mountain Meadows
14. Johnny Flynn - A Larum
15. Little Joy – S/T
16. Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue
17. Colour Revolt - Plunder, Beg, and Curse
18. Jaguar Love - Take Me To The Sea
19. Kings of Leon - Only By the Night
20. Hey Rosetta - Into Your Lungs
21. Jack's Mannequin - The Glass Passenger
22. Horse Feathers - House With No Home
23. The Wooden Sky - When Lost At Sea
24. Fleet Foxes - S/T
25. Butch Walker - Sycamore Meadows
26. God Is An Astronaut - S/T
27. Ladyhawk - Shots
28. Beck - Modern Guilt
29. In the Pines – S/T
30. Beach House - Devotion
31. Good Old War - Only Way
32. Love As Laughter - Holy
33. Rural Alberta Advantage – Hometowns
34. Ace Enders and a Million Different People - The Secret Wars
35. Autumn Picture – The Field
36. Plants and Animals - Parc Avenue
37. Annuals - Such Fun
38. Born Ruffians – Red, Yellow and Blue
39. Noah and the Whale – S/T
40. Lightspeed Champion – Falling Off the Lavender Bridge
41. Port O'Brien - All We Could Do Was Sing
42. Anathallo – Canopy Glow
43. Paper Rival - Dialog
44. Mogwai – The Hawk Is Howling
45. Q-Tip - Renaissance
46. Sleepercar - West Texas
47. Person L - Initial
48. The Little Ones - Morning Tide
49. Anthony Green - Avalon
50. Nik Freitas - Sun Down

Honourable Mention goes to: Tilly and the Wall – O, The Uglysuit – S/T, Peter and the Wolf - Mellow Owl, Ray LaMontagne - Gossip in the Grain, Giants – Old Stories, Jakob Dylan – Seeing Things, Calexico - Carried to Dust

Can't deny it any longer.

I've been back at home with my family since Thursday, and it's been a much needed rest. Eating proper meals, relaxing, playing with my cat, and trying to leave all my worries back in Toronto. When I'm in Toronto I feel as though I must be in constant motion. Accomplishing things, going out, seeing people, and while at home I'm able to just stop and (finally) reflect on everything.

I don't know where my head has been this past week or so. It was as if my body and mind had been invaded and I was struggling to stay afloat despite the flooding occurring in my mind. Often I become so entranced by my own emotions, I can barely notice what is happening around me. The pain that I supposedly feel is all I can take note of and it seems to wash over me like a 5 minute summer rain. How do I take hold of myself and snap back to reality? I honestly scare myself sometimes when I do not know where all these emotions are suddenly rushing from.

It's official, I have to accept that Christmas is here whether I'm ready for it or not. My family and drove out to the country today and cut down our own Christmas tree. My house now has a lovely smell of pine needles that never fails to remind me of an earlier time. I've had a real Christmas tree every year of my life, it's something my parents insist upon. No matter how ridiculous my family can be, I'm lucky to have people who look out for me and truly care about my happiness.

Of course, I did all the heavy labour!

Your love will be safe with me.

I was dreaming about your record collection and all of our scratched affection.

Winter brings me back to the craving of sleeping endlessly in my bed all day and night. I begin to wonder what's the point in moving when I'll end up back there soon enough anyway. I fall asleep to the darkness and wake up to the darkness, as if nothing has even changed. My dreams are active enough that I barely need to pretend I've nothing much of anything. I see friends, listen to records, go on grand adventures, and it's almost better than anything I could actually do. Until however, there's that point in which someone dies a horrific death or that best friend literally stabs you in the back, then you just have to hope it really is a dream. That's when waking up is quite satisfying. I am very thankful that none of those things happen in my day-to-day life. I have already felt the clenching fear and sadness it can impose.

I have this terrible way of being able to impose extreme feelings of anger and sadness upon myself. The way a pendulum swings, it can change in a moment's notice. I want it to go away. Why can't I have a stable emotion that lasts a significant amount of time. Be able to sit down and enjoy one thing without needing to multi-task or stand up 5 minutes later to begin another task that will inevitably never get finished. I frustrate myself. I don't even know how to explain this the way I'd like to.


Your beauty makes me cry.
Continuously; Dizzy. Nervous. Nauseous. Happy. Content. Fear.


I need a fucking vacation.

I could live for better, at least I thought so.

Experiencing an overwhelming feeling of guilt. Leaving this behind. Forgetting to put anything else ahead. Yet, I'm enjoying myself. The schoolwork is falling far behind, and despite the occasion moment of shame, it's all moving along. I have no one to blame except myself for the failures that I encounter, and if I don't proceed to try, then yes, I will fail, that's obvious and I need to fucking realize it.

5 days until it could potentially end for good. I was dramatically different when it began, and I truly hope it's all for the best. It still baffles me that one tiny, seemingly insignificant moment can impact everything so tremendously. I mean, what if I had not walked down that path one specific day? Or decided to stay home from that other party? Or even, stayed with what I had, instead of deciding that it could never work before I truly ever tried? But through all of those steps and moments and conversations I am trying to map it all out, and understand where each person has left their mark upon me.
This feels like a quarter-life crisis. Only I'm not in crisis, I just fucking afraid of failing. I have these hopes, but they're more difficult to accomplish than anything I can imagine doing. But then I take a breath and remember that I'm only 21 and I potentially have plenty of time, to succeed at 'anything I put my mind to,' right?

This has turned into something more revealing than I had initially intended. I just wanted to make an effort to update this since the past month or so I've been slacking. When you find what makes you happy, writing does not feel as necessary anymore, as one would rather be experiencing that which is providing all the joy. And oh, what joy.
After all the time spent asking why?, and how could this happen?, life spun me around and shoved me in a direction that I honestly never thought possible. To be continued...